“She hasn’t answered my e-mail yet, so she must not be interested.”
“I’ll never be able to lose weight.”
If this sounds familiar (as in, you’ve either uttered similar words or held similar beliefs), then you are not alone. Many of us do this without realizing that we’re getting in our own way – we have become our own obstacle!
You and I have heard “truths” from the people who have surrounded us since we were very young – initially, these were the beliefs that our parents verbally and behaviorally communicated to us over the years, We don’t completely stop internalizing these beliefs after the so-called formative years have ended, but they certainly serve as the framework for how we see ourselves in relation to the world as we get older. If we are lucky, we stay open to learning new ways of thinking about ourselves, and discovering that there is more than what we brought with us from childhood. If we are not so lucky, then we often become stuck. This process can be challenging as we are bombarded by the “truths” from those who are influential in our adult lives: our immediate and extended family, family friends, teachers, and peers.
The Anti Self-Sabotage Tool
To begin to address this self-sabotage, think about the areas in your life where you feel unfulfilled. Some possibilities might be:
Relationships: family, friendships, or significant others.
Professional: work dynamics, career path
Environment: your house, the climate
Financial (I’m sure you can find LOTS to fill in the blank here!)
And anything else you can think of!
It helps to commit this to paper (or computer if you prefer), so WRITE IT ALL DOWN!! And don’t hurry making this list because it will become your self-help, anti-sabotage tool.
Now take a look at those areas, and think about what you would absolutely LOVE them to look like. Think BIG. DREAM. Write all of these wonderful ideas down, too.
And now, carefully think about what has been keeping you from where you would LOVE to be, to where you are NOW. And, yes, write this down.
Go beneath the surface, because if you say, for example, “I can’t look for a new job because I’m too old”, then you’re not going deep enough. WHY do you feel you’re too old? Is it written somewhere? Did someone tell you that? If so, do you think they were they expressing their own fears? And look deeper to see if this likely false assumption is coming from your own fears. What might they be?
As you do this exercise for different areas of your life, you may begin to see some evidence of how your own false assumptions have been holding you back. And now here’s my most important message to you: DO NOT JUDGE YOURSELF! As I said, we all come by these false assumptions quite honestly. And because the first step in making any change is AWARENESS, you can now begin the conscious process of using that awareness to take those NEXT STEPS to move in a direction that is more in line with what really matters to you.
You are becoming your own life coach!
BUT, if you feel that this is just too much to do on your own, please Contact Me, and we can get started with a free consultation. I’m ready to help you through the process!
- Self-Sabotaging: Why We Get in Our Own Way (luckymckoy.wordpress.com)