The pull of the internal dialogue
Today was definitely a lesson in “practice what you preach”. I’m not talking about anything earth shattering, but the short story is that after a lovely 4-day family vacation away from home, we returned to a partially flooded basement, the pool of water flowing from our heat pump unit- carpet soaked, furniture damaged, and the rest is a story waiting to unfold. My internal dialogue began immediately, begging to be verbally expressed. This never should have happened. Our heat pump has never worked properly. Why didn’t the service people see this the last time they were here? And then, How am I going to get any work done with all the phone calls that have to be made, and service visits to be home for? I’ll have to rearrange my schedule, and it will be extremely inconvenient. I’m so tired of things not working the way they should.
Returning to the present
I’m sure you get the picture. I was all about the past and future, not alighting into the present for one moment. Until I happened to turn on the radio and tune into a talk show in progress on our local NPR station. They were discussing MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction), and its focus on living in the present moment. Part of the discussion centered around the value of using MBSR’s present-moment focus to manage not just stress, but chronic pain as well. And then it smacked me in the face with an obvious message – this is all about how to live your life, not just manage issues of stress or chronic pain. When you are truly just in the moment, then you are free of both the past and future baggage that always wants to come along for the ride.
So…….., I began to practice what I preach. And I will admit that it required a bit of a shift, because I was very much into my story of feeling maligned and put-upon. But eventually, with my newly-rediscovered awareness, I was able to get to the point where I let go of what this meant for the next few days or weeks, because frankly, I don’t know WHAT it will mean. I let go of my fumings about the past because, well, it is done and I can’t change it. I merely focused on where I was NOW and what I could do NOW. And, surprise of surprises, I really settled down. I dealt with the phone calls and service visits today with amazing equanimity, and actually enjoyed chatting with everyone. I think they picked up on my vibe, because they were all really helpful and sympathetic. I truly believe that if I had been antagonistic, our communications would have been entirely different and very unsatisfying.
I am sure that it will not all be smooth sailing (whoops, there I go again, diving into the future), but for NOW, I am focused on my NOW, which is working just perfectly.